This whole idea of rumination being a negative pasttime makes me think and takes me right back to one of my favorite authors: Henri JM Nouwen and his book, "Can You Drink The Cup?" In this wonderful book, Nouwen reflects on the similarities between drinking good wine and living a fulfilled life. Here's one of things he says about reflection:
"...drinking wine is more than just drinking. You have to know what you are drinking, and you have to be able to talk about it. Similarly, just living life is not enough. We must know what we are living. A life that is not reflected upon isn't worth living. It belongs to the essense of being human that we contemplate our life, think about it, discuss it, evaluate it, and form opinions about it. Half of living is reflecting on what is being lived. Is it worth it? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it old? Is it new? What's it all about? The greatest joy as well as the greatest pain of living come not only from what we live but even more from how we think and feel about what we are living....Reflection is essential for growth, development, and change. It is the unique power of the human person."
Nouwen's words ring true for me, as well as for many others. And yet...and yet...sometimes it seems like a short walk from reflection -- one of the great gifts of life -- to rumination -- one of the great curses of life.
Many people who dwell on the misfortunes in their life say that their ruminations are a good thing that bring value to their lives. At first when I read this, I struggled to understand it. Yet, after pondering on Nouwen's words, it makes sense. Rumination can feel like reflection, and reflection, when it becomes excessive and focused on one particular matter, can easily deteriorate into rumination.
Perhaps rumination isn't an issue for you; however, I come from a family of highly developed ruminators (at least on one side of the line), and it's something I guard against, even as I love to reflect on life. My 91-year-old Aunt Jean can ruminate with the best of them; and her unfailing memory for pain, suffering and wrongdoing never fails to amaze me, even to this day. (And if I don't watch it, I can start ruminating about Aunt Jean!)
Yet, while rumination and reflection may seem hard to distinguish sometimes, there is at least one thing that distinguishes them -- and that's gratitude. I can't ruminate when I'm grateful; however, I sure can reflect on the wonders of life.
What are your thoughts?
FORGIVENESS FREEDOM is a blog devoted to exploring effective ways to understand conflicts, and restore & reinforce positive connections.
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I recently finished a novel called "Nineteen Minutes" by Jody Picoult. It's about a boy who was bullied not just periodically but daily from his first day of school to the day before he walked in and killed 10 & injured many others with a pistol.
As I read the book I thought about Kally's blog on rumination and my thoughts led me a couple of places...
The main character's rumination led to tragedy. Conversely - the opposite outcome would likely have been (positive) culture change in the school. I envisioned a culture where the popular kids wouldn't be empowered to humiliate those "lesser" beings by the student body, teachers, parents, and the administration. The "cool" kids wouldn't hate themselves for being fake as much as they hate those they pick on for not being like them. Instead empathy and recognition of the power of diversity would reign. Of course I know this Utopia just wouldn't be high school...
Regardless... In order to make this kind of change we need a catalyst. Some level of angst that likely stems from rumination (however short lived it might be).
So then I thought: How much different are some companies in corporate America? The "cool" kids are empowered to hire, promote, and reward those that look like them, have the same golf handicap, etc. I ruminate on these things because for some reason I want to be one of the cool kids. I see others like me who want to be one of the cool kids but we just can't get a foot in the right door. So instead we walk out the door and leave the company with a culture that's frustrating and bland.
In order to make change we need to start the conversation. In order to start the conversation and make change we need a catalyst.
So my questions:
Can rumination be bad as long as it turns into a catalyst?
Can the peace that comes from forgiveness still us into complacency?
Kally Reynolds is hitting a core [spiritually, emotionally and mentally] centered struggle for believers and non-believers alike.
In fact, it is probably far more crippling for some believers because the 'to those who have been given much, much more is expected...' scripture can bring on a self-imposed pressure to do it perfectly...forgive, that is.
Ruminations seem to be selective memories of 'they said/I said' propaganda with the illusion of protecting myself from hurting or supporting my excuses and my inability to take responsibility for my part in my own life hurts... I believe being a 'martyr' might describe this way of life.
I don't believe true "Martyrs" had considered themselves a 'victim' or had any intent on 'being martyrs.' It was their unwavering living convictions, which cost them their lives and they became a "martyr." In other words, they 'walked the talk.'
The kind of martyrdom I seem to be more closely familiar is living as 'being this victim.' This kind of unforgiveness is cloaked in a false perception that I deserved the hurts and therefore there is no forgiveness needed. Yet it feels so real.
Kally's spotlight on ruminations painfully describes my tendency to have pity parties, when I cannot seem to 'move forward.' The word courage comes to mind... as in a line from the movie "Three Kings." A soldier asked another how he had courage and the response was that they only call it courage after they just did what they were afraid to do.
I hope Kally will delve deeper into these 'ruminations' - both the ones we re-run in our minds and those which others re-run verbally about us... and how to courageously break free of the destructive patterns spiritually, emotionally & realistically in a practical way.
I look forward to clarity and encouragement from future articles on this blog to do just that...move on -- to have joy in my life, which even un-perfect forgiveness can bring.
Thank you, Kally!
M. Nelson
mmmm - ruminations. They are savory aren't they? Until they run around in my head so long that I'm exhausted and miserable. I've found that (for me) ruminations are what has been left unsaid.
Prayer, forgivness and reliance on the Holy Spirit's direction has been invaluable to me in dealing with this bugger. When I forgive, the ruminations lessen and often go away. When I pray, God gives me direction about what is to be said and what is not to be said.
We've had two difficult family situations over the last few years - that have been fodder for much rumination. I have forgiven those involved (and had to remind myself and remember close to 70x7 times!). As I continued to pray about each of the issues, God gave me direction for both of them.
With one group of people, I felt convicted to speak up and name the elephant in the room. In doing so, it not only set me free, but those in my immediate family who were also affected and those to whom I spoke. The spiritual and relational transformation has been amazing. And much to my relief, there has been no rumination since.
With the other group of people, God clearly told me NOT to say anything. Urgh! Hard to obey that one. Instead, I felt nudged to change my behavior and my interactions with that group. As a verbal person, it's not nearly as satisfying. But, I did as the Holy Spirit directed and changed my behavior. Much to my suprise, I can see a change in their behavior and in the way that they interact with me. Looking back, I can see that God was asking me to show them that I had forgiven them. The response has been slow and subtle, but present. The temptation to ruminate has decreased.
And each time something comes back and runs around in my head, I take it to the Lord to see what message, what guidance or direction He has for me in it. Sometimes, I have to wait and rely on Scripture and in other cases, as I shared above, He is very clear.
I'm thankful for the resulting peace.
This entry touches my heart as it reminds me of my struggles with ruminations;I prefer to call this reliving of painful experiences "dwelling" because it reminds me of scripture "And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever" and my choice of where I am going to dwell since I can't dwell in 2 places at once. This past lent, I've figuratively placed my ruminations on Veronica's veil and I've offered them to my Lord as a gift of my acceptance of the things I do not like. Now that it's Easter, I'm figuratively placing my ruminations on fabric, folding it neatly and leaving it outside my Lord's empty tomb.
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