Do you have any family members who drive you crazy? My Aunt Jean used to be the bane of my existence. Five years ago, if you had the time, I might have bored you with what I perceived as her "offenses" against others, herself and (especially) me. Ironically, I was most irritated by her mistrust and dislike of me. Yet, now I realize that her feelings toward me were in no small way influenced by mine toward her.
Near the end of Jean's life, I let go of the toxic resentments I'd been lugging around for so many years, and gained an entirely different perspective. I learned to love her for herself, and (wonder of wonders) she responded to me differently as well. What a relief and blessing! And this new perspective enabled me to see things in her life (and mine) that I would have been blind to otherwise. Here is my account of her last morning on earth:
My Aunt Jean died at her home on August 8th, at peace with herself, God and the world after a long illness and 24-hour round the clock care since January. She was 92 -- but keep it to yourself, please. (When we toasted Aunt Jean for her 90th birthday, she objected loudly, claiming that a woman never let on about such things.) Her dear friend Sandy held her right hand and Toni, her night caregiver, held her left.
People talk about "last words"....Well, Aunt Jean couldn't speak, but she did leave behind mementos of her journey. At 7 a.m. Sandy and Toni prayed the "our Father" outloud together and Jean, as if on cue, took her last breath as a tiny tear rolled down her cheek. Church bells chimed and the sound of cooing doves echoed down the fireplace as if celebrating Jean's release into Paradise after her many painful constrictions.
On the other side of town, a blackbird flew to the local nursing home and "danced up to the window" (sort of a one-two step, I'm told) where Jean's favorite caregiver and dear friend, Phyllis, was just finishing up a second shift. That was, said Phyllis, how she guessed that Jean was gone.
Like many of us, Jean was afraid of dying -- to the point that she wouldn't talk or even think about the possibility at all. (At 85 years old, she still didn't have a will, saying she would get around to it "one of these days"; finally, after decades of trying, her 89-year-old brother, George, talked her into it before passing away himself.)
As it all turned out, from what I can tell, there was nothing for my Aunt Jean to fear. God was with her all the time and now she knows that with a certainty and gladness that I can only imagine. Alas, I too need to remember that: "...neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below will ever be able to separate us from the love of God, which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:38-39)
So in honor of my aunt's departure, I ask you the same questions I am asking myself today: Where is God calling you to new life? What baggage do you need to leave behind in order to fly today? And -- oh yeah -- where did you stow your wings? That's important because you just may want to wear them today.
When it comes to love -- whether in our work or our relationships -- what is the danger in playing it safe?
I invite and welcome your comments.
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Forgiveness Freedom Teleconference
If you are lugging around resentments, give yourself a break. Let go of old baggage and find new freedom and joy by forgiving others as well as yourself. More than 1,000 research studies have been conducted on forgiveness over the last 15 years. Learn new strategies and act on eternal truths & relevant research findings.
Email me at kally@rejoyc.com or call me at 630-363-4570 for more details.
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1 comment:
Dear Kally,
I'm in a unique position to 'comment' on your Aunt Jean's final journey. I knew Aunt Jean, through you, for 25+ years. I witnessed both the 'eye rolling' behavior you so understandably call the 'bane of your existence,' as well as the emotional wrestling of how to respond to her… do I react in kind or bite my tongue and show tender mercies. Do I let it slide or loving call her to be accountable for her hurtful behavior? In retrospect - Jean's life long unhappiness seemed to be about her secret pain and unfulfilled accomplishments.
Aunt Jean was from that 'great generation' who, while after experiencing the "Depression" -- didn't open up about their true personal emotional struggles - they ‘bucked-up’ and internalized their hurts as if without choice - trapped without hope, yet spilling her pain forward to those who tried to love her.
As hard as you were on yourself for feeling emotionally exhausted... it was understandable when every effort to demonstrate love and kindness was more often received with suspicion or ungratefulness - and sometimes both. You, my dear sister and your loving husband, Jim, gave her space and showed her love and compassion all over again and again.
I've witnessed you grow stronger and stronger in the Lord with each resolve to respond instead of react.
The very challenge of 'letting go' has so matured you that God has called you to know first-hand the power of 'forgiveness' and become an encourager to others who are ‘trapped.’
I am most certain, that Jean has come into the fullness of the total peace of forgiveness as she is now in the presence of the One who has totally forgiven her - the author of eternal Peace... Our Lord, Jesus Christ! She must now know that her life had value beyond her imagination.
You were 'used' by Christ to demonstrate that mercy to Jean and Jean was 'used' by Christ to strengthen your ability & resolve respond as Christ.
It is a beautiful thing!
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